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Thursday, August 17th, 2006
12:04 pm - is this thing on?
I'd forgotten that I even had a live journal account. It's probably been about 2 years since I've even written in here. Interesting.

I've decided that since my account is still active, I might as well go to town here. Due to obsessiveness almost beyond my control, my mind mulls things over and over until my head hurts. Maybe putting it down could help.

Two months ago my three year relationship ended with a bang. Up to a month before, there'd been fighting, centered around a certain girl in my boyfriend's life that I felt had no business being there. When my relationship ended, I found out that there had indeed been some sort of hankish pankish going on. Oh so that was what her calling you at 11 pm was all about. I get it.

I think that was the hardest part - not the breakup but the cheating. Just that feeling of rejection and betrayal, and even that feeling that I wasn't good enough. Doesn't help that the new girlfriend (yes they are still together) is 5 years younger than me and blonde. And stupid.

I hated him for about a month until I reminded myself that hate just eats you up - and I shouldn't be punished in that way just because he's a complete asshole. Sorry. That would be hate. Point is, I shouldn't suffer for other people's errors.

So now I'm single. Which means I'm beginning that process of burning my candle at both ends, going out all the time and drinking entirely too much. But it's fun, and that's what I need right now. I started seeing a guy, who ended up being the neediest wad of flesh I've ever had the displeasure of hanging out with.

He was sick one morning, and threw up after we had sex. He definitely does have stomach issues, but the last thing a girl wants is a guy to barf after being intimate. Not cute. So then he gets back into bed, playing up his shaking, sweating and smelly. And asks me to hold him. Which would be fine if this was a boyfriend of some substance, but this is week 3 and I'm not feeling it. So I hold him until he falls asleep, then got out of there as quietly as I could. I haven't seen him since but did explain to him that I couldn't do it. I didn't mention that I thought him puking and sweating all over me made me sick as all hell.

A few weeks later, I went down to Florida with friends to visit friends. I ended up meeting a guy there who was the antithesis of my ex boyfriend. Ex-marine, rides a motorcycle, knows how to fix things and says nicer things to me than *** ever did. So we've been talking every night since I got back three weeks ago. And I'm head over heels for him. I can't stop myself it seems. Half of me thinks that I'm jumping at the first guy that gave me what I didn't get in my relationship, and half of me feels like this is the real deal and I really truly care for him. I need to just chill out. I'm going back down to see him in September, so I guess I'll find out what's real then. There are a myriad of things wrong with him though, but isn't that everyone? I don't even know what I should just overlook anymore. Dating sucks and falling for guys that you know you shouldn't sucks too. He's from Cleveland and moving back there as soon as he sells his place in Fl, and saying that we'll be able to see each other on weekends. He also asked me if I would ever consider moving to Ohio. Which I have considered, and thought about because I'm crazy and that's what crazy people do - obsess over guys and convince yourself you're going to marry them the second you meet them. The second day we hung out, I did actually think that. I looked at him and thought, "This is the guy I am meant to marry." Which is crazy, and I would say most likely not the case. But I really really like him. And he's really really sweet. And he seems to really really like me too.

I, quite obviously, need a hobby.

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Friday, July 9th, 2004
4:39 pm - hmm
Things are swell.

My entries are boring when things are going well.

Work is so boring today. I just want to go home and lie on my bed flanked by my two little princes of darkness. My tiny kitties. How I adore them and hate the rest of the world.

Anyways, things have been busy as of late, after work I am usually out with Tom. Or drunk by myself on Main Street. God only knows how I always end up there.

Updating could have been a bad idea. Because I honestly have nothing to say.


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Thursday, May 20th, 2004
8:03 am - goulet
i'm sitting at work waiting for a meeting to begin, but nobody is coming around and i have a sinking feeling that the meeting was canceled today and nobody told me and therefore i pulled my ass out of bed early for no reason. what a downer man.

oh well. i'm still leaving early, if anyone thinks otherwise i'll hold their heads in the toilet and give 'em a good flush a roo.

things are the same here. work is generally busy which has caused the end of many email capades with friends and I feel badly for losing touch with people. except courtney. yeah that bitch can rot. (i'm 15 apparently) Learning how to let go of bitterness is tough, therefore instead I coddle and cuddle it.

So I'm also the biggest geek because I started the Zone and I've suddenly become one of those people who are like, "I never realized how what I ate affected my mood!" My boyfriend pointed out that Avril Lavigne recently came out with a similar statement and while that point is not lost on me, I still stand by my story. I just feel more awake and the cranky mcstankiness has slowly disappated.

Though I am certain I will prove myself wrong, probably in a case of unprecedented road rage that will set the bar for angry drivers everywhere. I'm sure it will involve nipple twisting and throat kicks. I'm just no good at keeping my temper while driving

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Monday, April 19th, 2004
2:02 pm - jokes and jokes and jokes and joke and ah ha ha ha ha
I'm roasting inside my sweater up here, waiting for my skin to turn a burnt sienna color. The heat seems to be on in my office. They're slow roasting me for optimum flavor. Bastards.

I'm going running today, the first six months of a new relationship where you're comfortable and eat out and drink all the time have caught up with me and it's time for me to do something about it, what with summer creeping creepily about and all. Hopefully it'll work and I'll come out a new slimmer me. Slimmest me. I'm finally okay to do stuff like that, my stitches are healed so my excuses are no longer working on myself.

Nothing else really new or exciting is happening. I've moved once again - for those counting that's my sixth move in 9 months. I'm like this neo-nomad, moving from place to place after deciding that I hate everywhere equally. This place should work out though. Just me and my gal Katie, closer to work, clean and pretty. I am constantly cleaning things because I can. Before I would clean and things would still have ghost remnants of 30 years of compacted dirt stuck to them and I gave up.

I feel old when Tommy looks at my old tshirt turned pajama top and doesn't know "Freshjive" line of clothing. It used to be cool. The Champion and BUM line of my high school days....

current mood: bored

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Friday, April 2nd, 2004
5:27 pm - I got a fever. And the only prescription is more cow bell.
I thought i might update since it's been a bit. And to drive home the point that I almost died last week. I thought about it, and if I was a Christian Scientist I would be dead. So I thanked myself for not converting whilst living across from their church. It was hard but I managed not to.

Anyways, I think I have my blood back. Which is cool. People today were telling me I look a lot better. And that I'm a trooper for coming back so soon to work. I don't think I'm a trooper as much as I am stubborn, and overly independent. (this is how I'm a lot like you saaaaaaaaara anne) I kept getting up in the middle of the night, taking off my leg pump things and unplugging my IV and going to the bathroom. I heard the nurse say, "Well isn't she self sufficient" I hollahed back, "No- I'm punk rock bitch" But then it occured to me that as a working stiff, I can no longer consider myself punk rock.


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Thursday, March 25th, 2004
10:08 pm - My birthday
For my birthday I got an operation! Apparently a ovarian cyst I didn't know about burst and hit an artery, which popped open and bled into my torso for a good 12 hours. I lost the equivilant of 2 quarts of blood and experienced the worst pain of my life. I had no idea that random blood floating inside me could cause that kind of pain. I had to spend the night in the hospital, but they had no rooms and I had to stay in the room where they put people after surgery.

I thought I could write more in detail but the pain meds are making me so very sleepy. I can't hardly do anything, walking up a flight of stairs makes me dizzy becuase i have to rebuild all that blood. which will make moving this weekend funny because i can't carry anything. so i have to enlist help.;

oh eef. i'm so sleepy. back to teh old bed now.

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Saturday, February 14th, 2004
10:08 am - used cds
Anyone know where to sell used cd's anywhere in MA? I'm in boston but can go to the south shore if necessary- I know Newbury Comics but the CD's I have to sell are hip hop and I know I won't get a decent amount of money. Any suggestions?

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Thursday, February 12th, 2004
5:12 pm - word to the mutha bird
Things are good here.

My living situation- my landlord and her legion of evil cats have once again come in between me and my health. The moment I walk into the building the stench is overpowering. Cat piss and incense. I suspect she is trying to concoct some type of sleeping gas to be used in the near future on me and my compadres- and by compadres i of course mean sara and katie, as we have deemed the other two schleps "Jelly" - they only need one name because when they combine forces they are similar to a gelatanous, sometimes crusty substance. The mysetery of the dropped duce still haunts us to this very day- jelly (1 or 2 we do not know) emptied her rancid stomach into the toilet where the contents sat staring back for a whole day. Flushing wasn't an option as this mess crushed all hopes of a clear pipe. OH JELLY I WILL AVENGE! I am moving out April 1- to a 2 bed w/my best friend katie.

Tommy is good, I'm completely in love and the only complaint I have is that I don't live closer to him. And that I can't smoke around him. It's a good thing but still hard to do. Next step: Stopping the heroin use. He hates it, but what can I say?? I'm a sucker for the white demon!!! hee heee!!!

hmmmmwhat else. work is RIDICULOUSLY HECTIC. I don't have time for emails, or anything like that, and I don't have a computer (well excuse me fancy pants mcgee some of us weren't born with that there GOLDEN SPOON in our mouths) so that is why i've been lacking in the writing dept. but never fear young listeners, i will persevere! (okay so nobody reads this but dear sara, this one is for you girl! HOLLAH!)

current mood: cheerful

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Friday, January 2nd, 2004
1:01 pm - The world is in trouble when I have a picture phone

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Friday, December 12th, 2003
8:49 am - pain
my best friend is currently homeless after being kicked out of her house and needs a place to stay. right now she's at her ex's. i asked my roommates, and the delightful and divine sara anne said she wouldn't mind at all.

the two homely bitches said they're concerned about the noise level. okay, my best friend in the whole world needs emergency shelter and i can't help her even though we have a small extra room and it would lower our rent, etc. etc. - can i just say i hate these girls? now she hasn't a place to go.

sara, if you read this hollah at me when you can. (after work?) or email if you get this before i get out. this leads me to some bad news for you, though i suspect you can guess what i'm going to have to do.

also, two giant raccoons surprised me the other night whilst i was drunken. they locked the front door and i was stuck screaming outside while the raccoons watched from a couple of feet away. yes, i really did scream. i. am. five.

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Friday, December 5th, 2003
5:33 pm - once bitten still smitten
yes i likes him a lot. tonight the next night the company party yay me. let the good times roll. after work today we are going shopping (for me). what an angel. letting me go shopping while he stands idly by. i'm only really grabbing a couple of things so i won't torture the poor boy. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmaking out~ ! YAY!!

p.s. geek.

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Monday, December 1st, 2003
4:32 pm - kick in the groinage
i met a boy and am currently smitten. smitten smitten. and we are hanging out alot a lot a lot. i'm ENAMORED.

but with the good comes the bad and i received terrible news of a death this weekend and have spent much time in my room dealing with it. i cried so much on friday my eyelids were swollen so i wore a hat to cover it up as best i could. this sucks. he od'ed on oxycontin, last month. nobody told me. it was my roommate's good friend and he was just the nicest kid. he really was. I'm so upset. obviously we weren't best friends, but i really liked him and had snuggled with him on occassion and hung out with him a lot. i had some good all night one on one chat sessions with him. my old roommate said he didn't know how to tell me. it slipped out when we were recounting a story (my roommate was in town) and my old roommate's girlfrend goes, "Well you know joe is dead now anyways." Like nothing. Like fucking nothing.

Oh my heart hurts.

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Tuesday, November 18th, 2003
8:12 pm - One is the sloppiest number that I've ever seen
Good god almighty. I cannot write long, nor can I write often anymore. Gone is the day of carefree typing away whilst cursing my co workers under my breath.

My job is spectacular still, but leaves no time for the internet as things are so very busy. I'm running around constantly. I have my own business card now. I went to a conference today and got many a free thing. Life is good when things are free.

Everything is wonderful. Life is wonderful. I couldn't be happier, unless I began getting play on a regular basis. It's true. The only thing missing alas. It's too cold and I haven't ventured out too much lately, which is my own fault. Not venturing out in the cold for ass that is. I had a momentary flash of ass, but that neither explains my situation nor helps it. Oh well. When the timing is right a boy will come and swoop me off my feet and I'll be all, "Why are you picking me up jerk?"

I still have navy boy, but he's in japan and no help to me because knowing you could be with someone if the government didn't have his balls in a vice grip is not comforting. So he needs to stop telling me this.

Oh well. Life goes on. I'm very happy, and very well. I wish I could read people's journals but I'm off to my home. I have no computer there and can't update at work but will try my hardest to get on and see what people are up to.

current mood: ditzy

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Tuesday, November 4th, 2003
1:27 pm - and away we go!
Driving to and from work everyday is becoming a hazard for me as my road rage rages on. I flipped off some elderly lady the other day and yelled, "Move it or lose it death bait!" Perhaps that didn't happen. But driving does irk me.

I like my job but once again find myself being confided in by people that shouldn't necessarily confide in me. IE- their stories are really strange and freak me out.

In short, I am always pressed for time, busy, happy and finally in a good mood for the first time in two years. A-fucking-men.

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Saturday, October 25th, 2003
8:50 pm - darsh
oh it sucks so much i can barely go on live journal at my new job. or the internet for that matter. i'm so busy during the day now, i love it. i love the people and the things i'm doing. it's so nice to just sit around and do graphic stuff, and edit things and be a part of such a small marketing team so i'm able to do everything. i know it's been 3 days and i'm sure i'll hate it at some point but right now i'm terribly happy. i just hope things keep going as well as they have been. this is a boring entry, but i had to write. i don't know how much time i'll have to look at friends entries, so i'm sorry if i haven't been around. i also think it's funny that i assume anyone cares. haHA!

current mood: giddy

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Thursday, October 16th, 2003
11:48 am - yikes stripes fruit stripes gum!
Today a straight edge vegan girl is coming to look at the apartment. She actually seemed cooler than everyone else I've spoken with. I hope she moves in so that someone else in the apartment is radical. Not that the other two girls aren't, but they aren't exactly my "flava". (ooh so hip with the slang i am i am)

also, my heart called me from Japan. The one who left me all sad 2 1/2 years ago by up and joining the Navy. The one who I could see myself in a relationship with more so than any other of the poontangs I've had run ins with. I was very happy to hear his voice and never expected him to call me from there because he was on a ship but he called when they were on land a couple of days. sigh and sigh.

current mood: loved

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Wednesday, October 15th, 2003
3:19 pm
You know that the people around you are evil manwhores when nobody says 'godblessyou' or something ANYTHING when you sneeze.

That is my lesson for the day.

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Tuesday, October 14th, 2003
11:48 am - Benefits?
I posted an ad on Craig's List for another roommate and instead received an email from a gentleman interested in stripping for me and paying me to watch twice a week. For $100 each time. I couldn't help but think that these must be really flexible hours. I'm not sure how he decided to send it to me since I was only looking for a roommate, but I'm glad he did because I am interested in part time work. Plus it sounds like a wonderful opportunity for growth. I would bring outfits that I want him to take off. I will first start with a onesy pajama suit with a bunny head. That is sexy. God I hope this guy doesn't come look at the apartment, I guess I wouldn't know if he emailed me under a different name and came and took a look. Some 29 year old guy emailed me too, wanting to look. I'm a little worried that it might be the same guy.

current mood: chipper

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Friday, October 10th, 2003
2:41 pm
does anyone know how i could sound proof my door a little more? i can hear every little thing my roommate does. I know eggcrates will work, but it'll look so ugly. i guess i could cover it with something. is there anything else? i don't need this door to open ever.

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Thursday, October 9th, 2003
9:40 am - I think this might be a good mood?
I waltzed in (no, i'm not using that as a description, I actually learned the waltz so I could do it into work) at like 8:45 today, stood up on my chair and yelled, "Where are all my bitches at?? Where they at? Where they at? Hootie hoo!". I figure those are the types of things you can get away with during your last two weeks. Also, my sneakers are still resting peacefully on my feet, my toes are appreciating the pillowy softness. Also, I am drunk.

Last night a crazy old guy came to my door- he wants to live at my apartment. He's one gross mama jamma. For work he claims to do nude modeling and assured my roommate the other day, "Don't worry, I don't walk around nude all the time" I found several things wrong with that comment. I came downstairs and informed him as politely as possible to beat it. He was actually quite nice but old, dirty, and crazy nonetheless. If he just drops in like that ever again though I really will be kicking him in the esophogus.

Next buzzer was a pair of Jehovah's Witnesses. These two women who told me how there were requirements to get into heaven. They gave me a pamphlet and I was relieved to find that one of these requirements is NOT a height requirement. I now feel that my chances of going to heaven have increased tenfold. Now my only holdback is the whole whoring around thing. Oh, and the babies out of wedlock. But I'm not sure if they count as I left them on the doorstop of a Krispy Kreme. So *technically* they're not mine.

Lastly, a young lad came to look at the apartment. He was delightful and we had a grand old time talking. He agreed with my no gun policy, which was really refreshing. He was also adorable, so I hugged him goodbye and licked his neck. My roommate said she thinks he won't want to live with us because of the neck lick. But she's from New York, so I think our customs and traditions are just different. It's such a different land out there in New York. I'm still having a hard time understanding her language.

The game last night was fantastic, friends came by and watched with me and drank whiskey. I got a whole bunch of free alcohol from my friend who doesn't drink. About five big bottles, Seagram's, Crown Royale, and some other stuff. I don't really drink hard alcohol so I am trying to make others drink it. This is a plan that quickly backfired as someone vomited on my cat. Trying to get vomit off a cat, it's tricky. I left it to mother nature and hope that he is clean when I get home.

current mood: thirsty

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